Jay Chanoine

Comedian & Pessimist

16,219,873 Dirty Looks Produced



The Empire Smokes Crack : A Press Release

(DISCLAIMER: I do not work for any company mentioned here in any capacity, nor have I ever. This is a work of fiction and is not to be taken seriously or even looked at for extended periods of time.) … Read More


Lots to talk about. Let's start with irony. I was recently asked to perform at the class of '02 10 year reunion for the high school that I dropped out of. There's a fair amount of "epic win" buzzin… Read More


Lock-O-Clock Written by Jay Chanoine, age 6 1/2 Newly revised and edited by Jay Chanoine, age 26 3/4 Foreword Lock-O-Clock is perhaps my finest work. While his species is never mentioned … Read More

A Letter To Beck Hansen

"Can't you hear those cavalry drums Hijacking your equilibrium Midnight snacks in the mausoleum Where the pixilated doctors moan" Beck - "Sexx Laws" Dear Beck, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING AB… Read More

*NEWS* Summer dates coming soon!

We've reached the end of the last batch of shows I posted here and the next one will be up as soon as I confirm a few dates. My neglect for this site will seem worth it soon, I promise. There's new ma… Read More